Confession: I have never bought a pen in college and that's all I use to take notes with.
I just get them all for free. Like today, for example, I got three new pens from the grad school fair.
I figure for the stress and anxiety they cause me, I deserve at least a pen, right?
Grad School is one of those things that just looms over my head in a way. Sometimes it can be hard to get through the day when I think about the fact that I'll be working my way through days like this for the next seven years of my life. But it'll be worth it, right? To be that smart, to have the qualifications that I'll have, and to be able to help people the way I want to.
School is one of those things that I love. It can be hard, but in the end it is so worth it. I have a bunch of midterms this week, and while they are stressing me out, I think about something I heard this summer, about how taking tests mean were worthy of being tested. It's almost a month into school, and I have learned enough to be worthy of being tested! I am learning and growing every day and I think that it is one of the greatest things I could be doing. I mean, I got an 85% on my finance midterm today, and while I was a bit disappointed at first (perfectionist here, sorry), I had to take a step back.
I have never studied finance before this year. These are all new concepts to me. Brand new. And I have worked hard enough to take a midterm and only miss three questions on it! That's pretty darn impressive!
So anyway, just grateful to be able to be at such an amazing university where I get to learn and grow and prepare for everything that I want to accomplish in the future (and stock up on free pens while I'm at it)
-M
Thursday, September 22, 2016
Monday, September 5, 2016
Labor Day of No Work
Confession: I have done basically nothing today and it is driving me crazy.
When you have a three day weekend this early in the school year, you aren't behind yet, so you don't have copious amounts of school work to catch up on. You just made it back to town, so you haven't made any plans with friends to get out of town. It's just a lull day, and I have spent it doing almost nothing.
C and I stayed up until 2 last night watching Mean Girls after playing games with friends, so I don't feel completely lame (as opposed to my roommates who were all in bed, lights out by 11....) but it still feels as though I should be doing something more.
C, R and I all went and did some homework by the pool earlier (I know, my apartment complex has a pool. Greatest thing ever. Especially since it's been in the high 90's all week!), so I was a bit productive. I got ahead in my econ reading (an exact quote from one of my books is "Poverty is a bitch." Really wasn't expecting that and it cracked me up pretty good!!) and read An Abundance of Katherines by John Green (love him, don't love that book tbh).
Other than that I have done almost nothing all day and it has me feeling rather blah. Like I need to go out and do. Like I'm wasting my life. The problem I have right now is that everything I see and want to go do is back home, like Mailbox peak and Mt. Si and everything that was on my to-do list for this summer but fell behind work in priorities. As great as my jobs were this summer, it was really hard to feel like I had four months at home and really only spent one week doing adventurous fun things. I don't like that.
Anyway. My options for tonight are either to hit the gym or hike the Y. Honestly, I'm happy doing either, but my guess is that hiking the Y is going to give me the adventure rush that I'm needing. The other problem I have is that the people that always hiked it with me last year are either at school in california, or serving a mission, so I'm left by myself (C has already said absolutely not) or I have to find someone else and I really don't want to find anyone else.
So who knows what I'll end up doing tonight!
-M
When you have a three day weekend this early in the school year, you aren't behind yet, so you don't have copious amounts of school work to catch up on. You just made it back to town, so you haven't made any plans with friends to get out of town. It's just a lull day, and I have spent it doing almost nothing.
C and I stayed up until 2 last night watching Mean Girls after playing games with friends, so I don't feel completely lame (as opposed to my roommates who were all in bed, lights out by 11....) but it still feels as though I should be doing something more.
C, R and I all went and did some homework by the pool earlier (I know, my apartment complex has a pool. Greatest thing ever. Especially since it's been in the high 90's all week!), so I was a bit productive. I got ahead in my econ reading (an exact quote from one of my books is "Poverty is a bitch." Really wasn't expecting that and it cracked me up pretty good!!) and read An Abundance of Katherines by John Green (love him, don't love that book tbh).
Other than that I have done almost nothing all day and it has me feeling rather blah. Like I need to go out and do. Like I'm wasting my life. The problem I have right now is that everything I see and want to go do is back home, like Mailbox peak and Mt. Si and everything that was on my to-do list for this summer but fell behind work in priorities. As great as my jobs were this summer, it was really hard to feel like I had four months at home and really only spent one week doing adventurous fun things. I don't like that.
Anyway. My options for tonight are either to hit the gym or hike the Y. Honestly, I'm happy doing either, but my guess is that hiking the Y is going to give me the adventure rush that I'm needing. The other problem I have is that the people that always hiked it with me last year are either at school in california, or serving a mission, so I'm left by myself (C has already said absolutely not) or I have to find someone else and I really don't want to find anyone else.
So who knows what I'll end up doing tonight!
-M
Sunday, September 4, 2016
Emotions Are On Edge
Confession: Water For Elephants made me cry last night
Backstory: Water For Elephants (by Sarah Gruen) is one of my favorite books in the world. I love it beyond words and I read it all the time. C also loves the book (possibly as much as I do, but I doubt it), and so for Christmas last year, I got her the DVD. We never got around to watching it last year, so I had never seen it, but last night, after our celebratory we-didnt-die-the-first-week-of-school pizza, we cuddled up for a movie night, and oh my goodness. It took my breath away. Now I don't think the movie was actually that good, it was just something about the timing and the way it was done. And the final line (spoiler alert) of "i'm not running away, I'm running home" just killed me. Tears streaming down my face killed me. C and R were looking at me like "what the hell is wrong with you" and I was just sitting there crying.
Something about running home. Being home. Making you're home wherever you are, and doing what you want and what makes you happy. That's what I want. I want to be happy. I'm just still figuring out how. I'm having issues with my body again and I don't like it, but I also don't like what I look like and that needs to change. More salad and fewer bagels I guess.
Who knows. For now, all I can agree on is to never watch Water For Elephants with a guy that I like, and that papa murphys pizza solves all.
-M
Backstory: Water For Elephants (by Sarah Gruen) is one of my favorite books in the world. I love it beyond words and I read it all the time. C also loves the book (possibly as much as I do, but I doubt it), and so for Christmas last year, I got her the DVD. We never got around to watching it last year, so I had never seen it, but last night, after our celebratory we-didnt-die-the-first-week-of-school pizza, we cuddled up for a movie night, and oh my goodness. It took my breath away. Now I don't think the movie was actually that good, it was just something about the timing and the way it was done. And the final line (spoiler alert) of "i'm not running away, I'm running home" just killed me. Tears streaming down my face killed me. C and R were looking at me like "what the hell is wrong with you" and I was just sitting there crying.
Something about running home. Being home. Making you're home wherever you are, and doing what you want and what makes you happy. That's what I want. I want to be happy. I'm just still figuring out how. I'm having issues with my body again and I don't like it, but I also don't like what I look like and that needs to change. More salad and fewer bagels I guess.
Who knows. For now, all I can agree on is to never watch Water For Elephants with a guy that I like, and that papa murphys pizza solves all.
-M
Thursday, September 1, 2016
Adjusting
Confession: I know I've said this before, but I really don't adjust well.
I'm struggling. I hate moving to new places and figuring out new things. I still feel as though I don't have anywhere that I belong or anyone who wants me around and it's just hard. I don't feel home yet in the new apartment. I don't feel used to being back on campus. I'm just overall homesick and want to be anywhere but here, and mostly want to be home.
Or really to just not feel like this.
And I know that there are things I can do to get this feeling to go away, like go for a run or go to the temple or something, but I don't want to do any of that, I just want to be done with this and have it gone. I don't want to deal with this. Honestly, I'm still wound up from working so much this summer and I just want to relax, but I have no where to relax. I can't just flop onto my bed because its a bunk bed and I ended up with the top bunk, and that's really hard. It's so inconvenient to get up and down that I just don't have the energy to do it. My bed has been my place to just be for forever and I feel really lost now that I don't have that.
I just want to feel at home.
So for now, I'm listening to a ten hour thunderstorm on youtube.
Wish me luck,
-M
I'm struggling. I hate moving to new places and figuring out new things. I still feel as though I don't have anywhere that I belong or anyone who wants me around and it's just hard. I don't feel home yet in the new apartment. I don't feel used to being back on campus. I'm just overall homesick and want to be anywhere but here, and mostly want to be home.
Or really to just not feel like this.
And I know that there are things I can do to get this feeling to go away, like go for a run or go to the temple or something, but I don't want to do any of that, I just want to be done with this and have it gone. I don't want to deal with this. Honestly, I'm still wound up from working so much this summer and I just want to relax, but I have no where to relax. I can't just flop onto my bed because its a bunk bed and I ended up with the top bunk, and that's really hard. It's so inconvenient to get up and down that I just don't have the energy to do it. My bed has been my place to just be for forever and I feel really lost now that I don't have that.
I just want to feel at home.
So for now, I'm listening to a ten hour thunderstorm on youtube.
Wish me luck,
-M
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